Tomorrow's weather on Titan: A touch chilly

"There is increased radio traffic coming from that blue planet near the Sun. Who, or what, could be trying to land on our moon, Titan?"

The text below (and the MP3 file linked at right) could just be the sort of weather report that anxious Saturnians would hear this week as Huygens draws nearer to Titan.

THIS IS THE SATURN Broadcasting Corporation ZSBC-News 2 from Xanadu City keeping you up to date with the latest news from the Kronian system, on the hour, every hour.

The time is now 128 hours PM and here's the Titan weather forecast for tomorrow, Stellar Date 2397, brought to you by Acme Metallic Hydrogen Corporation serving Kronians since before the F-ring formed.

Temperatures are expected to hit minus 180 degrees Celsius tonight. After sunrise at 96 AM, the thermometer will rise to a warm minus 170 degrees Celsius; air pressure will hover around 1600 millibars.

High-altitude haze

Due to high-altitude haze, the Sun will not be visible throughout the 192 hours of daylight—nor will any other star, planet or moon for that matter. As usual, the haze will cover all of Titan, so there's no use in heading to the beach.

Under the haze, however, the sky will remain largely free of clouds and we don't expect precipitation with the exception of the South Polar Regions, where patchy cloud cover with some isolated methane showers have been reported. Individual methane raindrops can reach 10 centimeters, so folks living near the poles should remember to take their umbrellas when leaving the igloo.

We have a strong wind alert for the equatorial zones, with wind blowing consistently from West to East. Winds may reach gale force at high altitudes. No major changes in meteorological conditions are expected for the next few million years, but any new weather developments will be reported as they happen by ZSBC-News 2, so stay tuned.

And if you've been suffering from those cold weather blues, rest assured that our good ol' central planet Saturn is still there, above the haze. Too bad we can't see it!

Increased traffic coming from that blue planet

And this just in: Over the past few sidereal days more radio signals from an as-yet-unidentified source have been detected. Such signals were last observed on three previous occasions, almost one Saturn year ago, and there are indications they may originate from an extra-Saturnian source, possibly that blue planet closer to the Sun.

As the signals appear to be concentrated on Titan, we call on all Saturn citizens to remain alert. Some of these signals have been interpreted as indicating an imminent landing on our moon. Please report all unusual observations to the authorities and above all: stay calm. Now back to our music!

FICTIONAL: While based on actual data pertaining the known weather on Titan, the events depicted in this story are, alas, fictional.